i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
