yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
