There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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