You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
