I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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