Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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