ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
