so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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