$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
