I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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