Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
