We need to rekindle our bromance
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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