this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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