I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
