i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
