I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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