She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
