he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
