whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
