I love black thongs
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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