I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
