went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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