So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
