he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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