God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
