About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
