Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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