you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
