My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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