FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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