if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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