On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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