Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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