I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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