How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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