Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
