I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
