If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
