I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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