Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
