Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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