If i come over, it means nothing
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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