sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
