I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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