just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
