So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
