Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
