saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
