consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
