Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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