Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
