is your mom at the bar?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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