I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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