i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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