I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
