Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
