Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
