They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
