watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
