the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
