When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
