Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
"it" just moved
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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