Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
