how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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