LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Randomize
