love makes seman taste better
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize