Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
