how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
