$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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