The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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