i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I had to cum in my sink.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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