Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
