i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
