some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
