just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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