Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize