I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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