Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
