If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
