i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
True college students do jello shots in the library
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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