i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
